Getting By in Grad School

GO ME!

I had to write a paper for one of my classes; 25 % of my grade.

The paper was sociologically oriented. Behavioral models. What this "hard science" geek thinks of as psychobabble to explain why people do what they do. Necessary, but irritating. Not my strong suit; I'm used to following recipes. Mix agar A; add bacteria B and antibiotic C. Either it will grow or not. There are biochemical reasons why.

This is a little softer, squishier, and unsatisfying because it's trying to use hard science labels for something not hard. I loved English Lit; it was all squishy. Music is  "hard," but when you add squish, it becomes good. But categorizing something squishy in hard science terms, no, not for me. This blend is just really uncomfortable.

SO, I got a 95 on the paper! The "hard" professor in this team-taught course graded it.

The house is a mess, keeping all the balls in the air is really challenging, but I'm doing it, one paper, one exam at a time.

Cleaning House

Spent some time in the Scary Basement today. There are still boxes of his stuff, water-damaged and rodent-nibbled. I've started moving them all to a corner and piling them up, and will eventually give him an ultimatum to move it or lose it. Very sad that he has all these "precious things" that he threw down there when we bought the house and hasn't looked at in over a dozen years. I'm enjoying opening up the space down there, getting rid of the dust and a few mummified rodent corpses. Gross and disgusting but I'm getting rid of all that bad karma. Plus all the mildewy boxes for every electronic we've ever bought. Seriously, the Wii is now over two years old, out of warranty and we are not going to need that box again. And if we do, too bad. I'd rather have the open space; it's really therapeutic.

Another Blessings Day

A little empty today without kids, but kid-free has allowed me to
1) Go aggressive yard saling including a giant secondhand sale at our local hospital. Found b-day gifts for S2, swim trunks for S1 and S2, girly pink and green coffee mugs for me, gorgeous blue glass vase and a huge bag of clothes that will jazz up my summer wardrobe.
2) Sit in quiet.
3) Catch up on me time
4) Garden without having to nag or entertain s1, 2 or 3.

I've run into two friends in the past few days who have told me I look great, and didn't know about being dumped. Having a little time to take care of myself is showing, I guess. Still tears at times but I'm moving on with my life.

Saw a lawyer yesterday, but that's another post.

Being Grateful

Had a bad night with anger insomnia. Why me? How could he do this to all of us? Going to try to stay positive and focused on the future for today. I have

1) three really fabulous kids
2) a nice place to live that I can find ways to afford
3) a huge network of friends and supporters who find H's behavior reprehensible
4) memories of many years of happy marriage
5) food in the pantry
6) multiple skills - writing, gardening, cooking, critical analysis, music . . .
7) enough talent to get me into one of the most competitive grad schools in the US, and sense enough to know that I can't mortgage my future to pay for it, and confirmed admission to my fallback cheap school
8) comfortable clothes, sewing skills and five boxes of fabric
9) reasonably good health
10) A spiritual practice that will help me to let my anger go and eventually replace it with detached compassion

OK, ten blessings. For today, exercise, financial aid stuff, call fix-it guy about needed home repairs, more job apps, counseling appointment.