Unhappy Husband

So he says he's been unhappy for a long time. He says that when he expressed unhappiness, I worked to change things and then they went back to the way they were.

WHY IS IT SOLELY MY RESPONSIBILITY TO CHANGE?

I've changed in so many ways in the past 15 years.

• Careerwise through three jobs then switching to full time SAHM with multiple side jobs and volunteer work.


• Physically through three pregnancies and menopause. I can see myself aging, see things slacken and wrinkle, and now have to fight tooth and nail to avoid gaining more weight.


• Emotionally through the honeymoon period, day to day life, a period around the birth of #3 where I felt absolutely drained and deserted, to today where I feel like I'm taking responsibility for my own happiness whether or not he has to work late.

He's the primary breadwinner and I've allowed him accomodation for the responsibilities of work. I'm the primary caretaker and feel dismissed. The man has not scrubbed a toilet since 1995. Scrubbed toilets are necessary!

He tells me to go out, get involved, make adult friends. I go to the gym, play music, socialize, and have more friends than he does. I dropped out of choir because I was sick of the griping about having to come home "early" from work, as in being home by 7:20 PM.

He needs to take some responsibility for his own happiness in a way that's not destructive to the family, not make unilateral decisions to screw us all over.