Weekends are the hardest. He and the kids are around, and I have to maintain the facade that we're a happy family. I keep crying, and the kids keep asking, "Mommy, why are you crying." And I have to make up some bullshit reason that I'm sure they can see through.
Job hunting. Already rejected from one job I applied to, which adds to the rejection I'm already feeling on a personal level. And I lashed out at him, saying that with the immense gap in my resume the only thing I'm qualified for is changing diapers and cleaning up vomit at nine dollars an hour. He responded that it's perfectly respectable work, and that no job is beneath me. He also says once they see how qualified I am I'll rapidly advance.
But he doesn't get it. I'm fine with the most menial job, but it makes NO SENSE to work my butt off for close to minimum wage and at the same time hire child care that I will be paying, after taxes, twice what I'm bringing in, to spend time with MY children acting as their interim mother. The other thing is that he lives in MBA-land. I live in menial-land where you can advance to assistant manager, or manager, not vice-president or president.
It doesn't make financial sense.
It doesn't make personal sense.
By working I am giving up my most valuable thing, time with my children while they are still young. I don't want to PAY someone else at the same time for the privilege of working.
I'll keep looking. There's a businessman on Craig's List who needs a personal asssistant, two three-hour shifts per week, paying $500 per week. By the way, send a picture. Perfect for young college student, no experience required. Oh, yeah.